He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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