well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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