i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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