I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
