If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
