I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
