Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
