Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
