bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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