Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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