worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
