Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
