It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
