if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
