1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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