Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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