I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
