dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
