It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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