just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
