is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
