I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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