jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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