WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
