I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
