oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
