The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We are all done wearing pants today
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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