tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
