I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
