after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
