People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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