life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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