Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
