i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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