white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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