no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
