But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
