I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ttyl tear gas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
