Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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