with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
