Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
