When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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