I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
