You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
17 year olds will be the death of me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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