Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
