This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
