p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
