she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
