omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
