p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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