To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
