Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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