I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
