my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
