Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
