Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
