Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
