do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
