My nipple is on Facebook.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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