I accidentally burped into my bong.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
