i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
