No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
