I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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