he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
