..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize