she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We smell like vodka and hangover
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