Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
