If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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