so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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