Little spoons don't ask big questions
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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