Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize