8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
