4 words: hood of his car
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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