he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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