WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
