new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
