it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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