She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
