i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
