I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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