So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
