I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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