Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
