It's Friday. Sex?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
