I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
