College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
