When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
