I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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