Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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