i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
