you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my shit smells like andre
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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