The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
