I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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