guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
