P.S. I can't hear my feet
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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