The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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