He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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