Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My bed smells like the plague
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