I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
