im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize