It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
