Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
