I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
