I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
