I think I am morally bankrupt
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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