New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
